Show and Tell

 

By John F. Tomczak

 

During the last 16 years we in the Bereavement Self Help Social Group have seen some very interesting examples of what this title means. To those people who are faced with the task of informing others about a new relationship it is sometimes hard to do. We have seen many such situations and listened to the experiences of others. How people go about informing the family and their friends is always interesting, now and then hilarious, and sadly at times not very pleasant.

 

As one could expect with the large number of bereaved people we know there are many different stories to tell. Keeping in mind that I try to only speak from my own experience; I will tell you how Claire and I went about this delicate but important task.

 

A few months after I had met Claire she decided that she wanted to go to Montreal and visit her brother and his family. I have a son and his family in Toronto whom Collette and I visited once a year so I suggested we travel together to Toronto and she could go on to Montreal and I would join her a little later. As it turned out Claire’s brother had to be in Toronto shortly after Claire got to Montreal and she came back to Toronto with him. A bit complicated I know, but good.

 

Claire and I had a great time in Toronto. We took in a ball game which the Blue Jays lost as usual. The Eaton’s Centre got a couple of days attention and I took Claire to some of Collette’s favourite stores. I just wanted Claire to be comfortable with the places we used to visit and of course Claire took it all in her stride. We also located the store Claire’s grandfather owned on Queens St. many years ago.

 

When we got to Montreal I was introduced to Claire’s family. The day I arrived in Montreal I regretted that I had never learned to speak French despite the fact that Collette came from a Francophone family in Saskatchewan. Claire introduced me to all her relatives in Montreal and we visited many of the places that she and John enjoyed. Being married to Claire has made me more aware of the diversity of the two main cultures in Canada and I appreciate that.

 

Over the years we have made many trips to Eastern Canada... Claire has taken me to her family home in Cochrane, Ontario to more relatives and friends, and introduced me to her colleagues at the University of Ottawa where she worked for 25 years. We had a trip on the St Lawrence where she and John had their houseboat. I felt comfortable on these trips and thankful for being able to share a part of Claire’s life that is still so meaningful to her.

 

Some of the people we have met will talk about the visits to the other family, and some of the humorous situations they have come across. Our faith community has a fair number of second marriages and the stories we hear are much the same as was ours.

 

At a recent potluck dinner one of my newly married friends introduced his two sons who were visiting him and his bride. My friend took me aside and said, “Those rascals have come to see what I am doing with their inheritance. Little do they know but my wife has much more worldly goods than I.”

 

There is a humorous side to just about every situation and my friend knows that.