Dutch Treat

 

By John F. Tomczak

 

I am sure that most of us understand what “Dutch Treat” means but just in case I’ll explain. Simply put, it’s like saying you pay your share and I’ll pay mine.

 

When I became a member of the Bereavement Self Help Social Group I discovered that there were quite a few folks I wished to know a bit better, but being a newly bereaved person I did not wish to have any kind of special relationship except friendship.

 

At first I was just concerned with playing the odd game of bridge and that sort of thing. As time went on, and after I became more involved and comfortable with my new friends, I discovered I wanted to spend more time with them. First it was lunch and then I met some enlightened music lovers who liked the same jazz as I did and life became a lot more interesting.

 

There were trips here and there and lazy weekends at my daughter’s condo in Whistler. 

Having a few new friends was a great help to me after Collette’s death. The fact that we were each responsible for our own expenses made our outings very casual. I was able to enjoy the company of others while keeping my independence. 

 

For bereaved folks who are a bit older, the memory of the man paying for the dinners and entertainment is still quite real and no doubt it was right for the times. However once a person is bereaved a lot of attitudes are bound to change. Folks wish to regain some measure of social life but they want to do it on their own terms. The last thing they need is to be dependent on another for casual outings and so on.

 

One of the first things bereaved men learn is that most of the ladies he will meet are better off financially than the majority of his men friends. Thinking about that, most men leave quite substantial life insurance policies and the like. Men, on the other hand, tend to be left the family home. In my age bracket it was not the norm for our wives to be insured. Happily, people have changed their ways.

 

In any case Dutch Treat is a good idea for us slightly older gentleman.

 

We have to understand that our lives do change after the death of a loved one and we all change in our own time in ways that are private and very personal. Dutch Treat is one of those little things that enables us to have a more social life but in ways that suit us. It keeps relationship exactly where we wish it to be. I hate to mention money but when everybody pays their own way it eases the strain on those of us who are not quite as affluent as we would wish.

 

Life becomes very simple if folks understand each other; and this is one of the ways to do just that. I usually take my friends to a jazz group at Herman’s Dixieland Inn, Dutch Treat of course.