Loves From The Past

 

 

By John F. Tomczak

 

One of the interesting things I have noticed amongst my bereaved friends is that some of the new relationships we see are from the past. You hear such things like “oh we go way back.” What the person is really saying is that they have known the other person for many years.

 

Sometimes after a few gentle questions you learn that they were childhood friends and often times a bit more than friends. Now and then one of our social group will go away on a trip and return with a friend. Of course their bereaved friends are happy about this situation and welcome the newcomer. We hear many stories of these school romances many of which go back forty years and more. Then there is the story of how two couples have played a bridge game every Saturday night for years and years. Unhappily two of the spouses had died quite close together and the bereaved couple gradually drifts together. 

 

When you think of the different ways bereaved people find someone to share their life with it should not come as a surprise to any of us to hear and witness stories like the ones I have mentioned. What is important is to acknowledge and support these new relationships how and whenever they happen.  

 

It was some time before I understood the subliminal message I was receiving from my bereaved friends and their new relationships. It, the message, was telling me that when we humans give a little bit of our hearts to another it is very difficult to get it back. Of course as we mature we have many friends and a lot of those little romances but somewhere in our memories we will find that first special time we gave away that little bit of our hearts.  What could be more natural that when we are bereaved to remember that special person in our lives. 

 

I am no longer surprised when I hear that one of our friends has returned with a someone that was, if only for a brief time, a part of their life. Why am I not surprised? Well, I have always remembered the first serious girlfriend I had. From time to time I have thought about her and idly wondered how her life turned out? Was she as happy with her life as I was with mine? I would like to think that if I met her, perhaps by a happy accident, that we would be comfortable with each other because a long time ago we shared a little bit of our lives.

 

Some people regardless of the circumstances have difficulty talking about the past and we must respect that. I also know there have been bitter disappointments in the lives of many people. That is why it is best not to ever ask questions. Not all of those early relationships turned out as most of us wished and some are extremely unhappy memories. 

 

Just in case you are wondering, her name was Marjorie and she was a red head. Claire knows all about my life including my school romance and now and then kids me about my slight, very slight mind you, perchance for redheads. 

 

So I, if asked, tell my friends to be careful with a new relationship because if they give a little bit of their heart to another, it is likely they will never get it back.