The Rest of the Story

 

By John F. Tomczak

 

Bill’s Story

 

“When my wife was nearing the end of her life, in fact just two days before her death she was put on the Victoria Hospice Program. At that time there were over one hundred and fifty persons on the waiting list and the Palliative Response Team was still a pilot project.

 

On the night my wife died I called Victoria Hospice and within minutes Lori James was at my house to help me thorough the crisis. I have heard the expression “Angel of Mercy” before, and I really think it applies to this young lady. Lori sat and talked for a good part of the night when I desperately needed someone to be with me.  I will be thankful to her and Victoria Hospice for the rest of my life.

 

Six months after the death of my wife I made my first visit to the Bereavement Self Help Social Group. It was great to be able to talk to people who had been through the same ordeal that I had faced. This was some years ago and I still attend some of the gatherings of this group. The Social Group, as one of its projects to help fund Victoria Hospice ran the Casino nights. I enjoyed helping out in this activity. Celebrate A Life has become an important part of my life and I continue to volunteer each December.

 

After attending the Saturday Night Social Group for a few years I met a wonderful lady who was also a member of this Group. We became friends and were married recently. We can talk about our spouses and the life we shared with them. It is just great to be able to share our former lives and respect the memories of our loved ones. 

 

I like to equate Victoria Hospice, and the care we both received, to an insurance policy; when we don’t need them we have to support them so that they will be there when we need them. Believe me, Victoria Hospice does a service to our community that helps ease the burden of pain for the ill and the grief of those of us left behind. I hope you will never have need of the service of Victoria Hospice but, but if you support it now, it will be there if you ever need it.

 

About Bill

 

I met Bill several years ago at our Social Group one Saturday night. Bill is a very big man and as I found out one of the kindest men I have ever met. It wasn’t long before we were calling him “our Gentle Giant.” He spends most of his time solving the computer problems of his many friends, including mine. Bill is one of those people who always seem to be near when we need help

 

Doing it for Myself

 

One evening Claire and I, after working at Celebrate A Life, had dinner with a friend of ours whose husband was in the hospital having a knee operation. Somehow the conversation got around to how much Victoria Hospice meant to her and her husband. As it happens sometimes, at times like this, our friend told us her story. 

 

Our friend had lived in Vancouver and had cared for her former husband for a fairly long time. She spoke of how rewarding it was for her to be given the strength to care for her loved one. After the death of her husband after carefully assessing her financial situation, she decided to move to Victoria. However, once she was settled in her new home, she found that she had little to occupy her time.

 

I have heard many stories about a similar experience from many recently bereaved folks, and it always reminds me of the let down feeling after the death of my wife Collette. I had cared for Collette for two and a half years and I know what it is to suddenly have that terrible sense of loss and to be left with nothing to do.

 

Once this dear lady had moved to Victoria she found herself with fewer friends and nothing to occupy her time. As it so often happens in the life of newly bereaved person, it became extremely important for her to be involved in some kind of meaningful work.

 

Because her former husband had a cancer related death she volunteered with the local Cancer Society.  She enjoyed being there and her almost instant rapport with seriously ill children was most appreciated. However, as she told us, her volunteer work almost became an obsession with the result that she had little time for herself and her friends. Her life was a frenzy and she felt that everything she did was for others. 

 

One day a friend of hers mentioned that Victoria Hospice had many programs for bereaved folks one of which was the Bereaved Self Help Social Group. After connecting with the Bereavement Office, our friend attended the Saturday Night Social. She told us of the remarkable change in her life. She felt that for the first time since her husband had died she was doing something for herself. She told us of the feeling of being at home, among friends, not having to explain anything and most of all feeling safe.    

 

Our friend became a regular member of our Social Group and attended most of our gatherings. Her volunteering at the Cancer Society is still a large part of her life. 

 

Several years later, at our Saturday Night Social, she met and married the man known to us as the “Gentle Giant.” They are about as happy as any married couple I know and they love to tell their story. This couple shares with Claire and I the knowledge that we have “Two Wives and Two Husbands” and their loved ones are included in their daily lives. 

 

Well now you know, “The Rest of the Story”.