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Don't give up |
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 John
F. Tomczak is the author of Shared Knowledge - Dealing With
Bereavement.
John's passion is to make all Canadians
aware of how hospice societies can help
them and their loved ones at a time
of need.
John
has been recognized for his many
exemplary contributions as a board
member of Victoria Hospice Society and
the Independent Living Housing Society
as well as a founding member of Canada's
first bereavement self help group.
John is
the owner of
bereavement.ca
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Don't give Up!
By John F. Tomczak
After the Bereavement Office has prepared a list of
folks, interested in the Walking Group Program, is
given to the volunteers to contact the people,
explain, once again, the purpose of the walks and to
encourage them to participate.
Sounds like an easy little task doesn’t it? Wrong!
It takes a bit of time. Folks are hard to reach
making for a lot of call backs and message
leaving. Then some will have changed their minds and
will go to great lengths to explain. Some will talk
about all their friends and those wonderful
children, the new hobbies and assuring you they are
just fine.
I
have learned not to pay too much attention but to
just listen and wait till it is time for me to talk.
In a casual way I let folks know that I am also a
bereaved person and I understand how a bereaved
person feels. I never make the mistake of telling
another person that I know how they feel. If the
conversation goes well I try and relate some of my
own experiences. Usually a gentle approach like that
will encourage the other person to talk a little
more.
It
does not pay to try and rush the conversations and
in fact some phone calls are very long. I try and
talk to my contacts at least three times and believe
it or not I have had very few refusals.
Of
course it takes a new volunteer a bit of time to
tread that fine line between trying to persuade
people to join the program and being a nuisance.
This
brings me to my greatest triumph. I phoned my friend
Elmer. Yes I have permission to use his name! He was
a hard sell, believe you me. Never heard so many
excuses in all my life. He was still working as a
consultant, was away a good deal of the time and on
and on. For some reason that still escapes me I just
kept at it. After eight phone calls he reluctantly
agreed to give it a try.
Elmer became the leader of Group 23 now known as 23
Skiddoo and if there is a person more devoted to
Victoria Hospice I don’t who it is.
Elmer’s Story
“One
year after my wife died I was in a terrible state,
depressed, lonely and unable to establish new social
contacts. Then a phone call from John, out of the
blue asking me to join the Walking Group Program. He
explained how it was just a walk on Saturday morning
and then a snack at a volunteer’s home. John was
somewhat persistent and after several phone calls I
reluctantly said yes. That changed my life!
The
camaraderie that has developed in this Walking Group
has been a wonderful experience. A year ago we were
23 diverse strangers and now there is a unique
subtle bond that enables us to gain strength from
each other in our daily lives. While this has been
the highlight of the year in Hospice, other
activities have extended the range of social
contacts.
There is the Saturday Night Social for coffee tea
and chatter, followed by bridge, crib and other card
games. Friday night there is dining out at
restaurants in Greater Victoria and once a month a
Potluck Dinner where each of us can hone our
culinary skills. As for the bridge enthusiasts there
are several groups that meet regularly. All of these
activities aid in the healing process and enable us
to help each other establish a new path in life”.
Elmer wrote this for me early in the life of 23
Skiddoo. This remarkable Walking Group is now into
its fourteenth year and most are still walking on
Saturday mornings.
They
even have their own tea shirts complete with the
Hospice logo. “23 Skiddoo” has been an inspiration
for many other groups. Of course it helps that our
friend Elmer is a natural born leader but aside from
that they are just a group of compatible people who
share a common event in their lives who have been
given the opportunity to share their feelings and to
help each other.
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| Copyright John
F. Tomczak. All rights reserved |
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For more information on bereavement support, or to
purchase Shared Knowledge, click on the
book cover. |
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