John F. Tomczak is the author of Shared Knowledge - Dealing With Bereavement. John's passion is to make all Canadians aware of how hospice societies can help them and their loved ones at a time of need.   John has been recognized for his many exemplary contributions as a board member of Victoria Hospice Society and the Independent Living Housing Society as well as a founding member of Canada's first bereavement self help group.   John is the owner of bereavement.ca

 

Saying Thanks

 

By John F. Tomczak

Now and then I asked, “How can I possibility thank hospice for all the help our family received”? I can only respond by speaking from my own experience and relating what hospice gave to me and my family.

My family received from hospice the gift of a peaceful and pain-controlled death for Collette. The grandchildren received the gift of a compassionate and truthful explanation of the death of their grandmother. I received the gift of the Victoria Hospice Walking Group Program. In a very short time I was with folks that understood my loss, held me when I cried, asked no questions and gave no advice.

The best way to thank any hospice is to let everyone in your community know about hospice palliative care and how it helped you and your family. The best way to talk about hospice is from your own experience. You could also suggest to your friends that they take advantage of the various programs a hospice offers to the bereaved. Take your bereaved friend out to lunch or any kind of an outing. 

Give of yourself; listen carefully and respectfully to their story. Never second guess the treatment or the medical profession. Help without asking if you could help. Show your love and understanding in thoughtful acts and not just words. Do what you can to assure your community that when they and their loved one needs hospice it will be there for them.

Despite hospice palliative care’s more than twenty-five years of serving Greater Victoria many people don't know how Hospice can help their family. Because cancer is a major cause of death perhaps many people assume hospice is primarily for cancer victims. Our culture has great difficulty talking about death and not everyone is open to a frank discussion about the illness of a loved one. Telling of your own experience in a gentle way is usually the best way to sow the seed.

We who have been given the gifts that a hospice has given us must get our message out to everyone in Canada. We must convince people that a hospice is not a place where people are left to die but who are received with love, caring and the expertise to help them to live out their lives free of pain, in dignity and at peace. It is unconscionable that anyone should not have what a hospice can do for them if they so wish.

All of us can do something to express our thanks for the gifts we have received.  Any hospice has many needs and the one most evident is money. While the medical expenses are paid for, as a right, under the Canada Health Act: we the community has to provide the funds for the other services such as bereavement care and spiritual help.

Beyond money, those of us who are just a bit older have much to give to our communities.  We have life experiences that we can pass on when the time is right. We have patience; we have the free time to help. Being a volunteer opens up wonderful opportunities to make new friendships and we all know how important that is to someone who has lost a loved one. All bereaved people share the knowledge of the meaning of loneliness.