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Gordon's Story |
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 John
F. Tomczak is the author of Shared Knowledge - Dealing With
Bereavement.
John's passion is to make all Canadians
aware of how hospice societies can help
them and their loved ones at a time
of need.
John
has been recognized for his many
exemplary contributions as a board
member of Victoria Hospice Society and
the Independent Living Housing Society
as well as a founding member of Canada's
first bereavement self help group.
John is
the owner of
bereavement.ca
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Gordon's Story
By John F. Tomczak
When
John asked me to talk about my experience in Hospice
Walking Groups my first reaction was – I am not able
to do this. A perfectly normal reaction when one
considers that fear of public speaking is the number
one fear of most people – me included. Believe me
when I say that I find this very difficult to do.
Having said that I felt compelled to accept John’s
invitation as I have found the Walking Group Program
to be one of the most important events in my life.
You
may think that I am exaggerating, but believe me I
am not!
To
understand why I feel so strongly about this, you
need to know a little of why I was even vaguely
interested in joining a group of people, who I
thought would be made up of largely the depressed
and the lonely. By the way – that assumption proved
to be very wrong, very wrong indeed.
My
Rosemary died six months after she was diagnosed
with cancer, one year after my closest friend Tom
and four months before my brother died. It was, to
put it mildly, a very stressful and busy six months.
We had Doctors appointments specialists, chemo,
radiation, hospital stays, hopeful days, tears and
even some laughs. When the end of Rosemary’s life
came everything was managed beautifully by Hospice –
a truly amazing organization about which not enough
can be said!
She
was gone and now I could suffer the horror of
survival; something I didn’t consider while helping
her with her fight. We had a common enemy and goal
and we had been busy. I had no idea how hard it
would be to survive without a purpose – no idea at
all. I fell into a pit of blackness and depression
that was so painful that I, thankfully, can’t really
remember clearly what it was like. I went through
days that I don’t really remember. My dog basically
saved my life at this time, for she demanded my
time. I ran my business by rote, a zombie just
staggering along. My life was a mess – a total
mess.
Hospice, as usual, timed its reappearance in my life
perfectly. I was told of a Wednesday drop-in group
at St Aidens Church and I managed to get myself
there. I learned of the Walking Group Program and
the Saturday night social. I was lucky to get into
walking group 47 and my recovery was well under
way.
The
first few walks were a little stiff as we, the
walking wounded, started to find our feet.
After we took over the responsibility for our
walking group It really became something that I
looked forward to each Saturday at 10 a.m. We have
walked the Songhees, Beacon Hill Park, Beaver Lake,
the Galloping Goose Trail and many other wonderful
places.
But
let me make it quite clear that it has been the new
friends that I have made through this great group
that has restored my faith in what makes life
worthwhile. For we were a very disjointed group of
lost souls when we first met, but as we walked we
have come together – still very different people of
all ages and backgrounds.
The
great thing is we all have suffered huge losses in
our lives and we have no need to explain ourselves
to anyone. Everyone understands, so when we have our
bad days or weeks there is always someone to hear us
out and support us. We have drunk hundreds of
gallons of coffee, most of it pretty bad, but we
have also enjoyed some really great laughs and fun
together. We have had complete strangers ask us why
we are so happy, and when they hear we are a hospice
walking group they are just amazed.
The
price of membership in our very exclusive group is
extremely high, and is why I hope most people never
qualify to join, I will be forever grateful that my
walking group existed when I needed it. My Rosie
would have loved my new friends and they would have
loved her.”
I am
continually heartened to hear how a simple walk in
beautiful surroundings with volunteers who
understand can create an opportunity for strangers
to become friends in a few weeks.
Gordon is an outgoing energetic man
whose life is completely dominated by a ten pound
dog.
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| Copyright John
F. Tomczak. All rights reserved |
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For more information on bereavement support, or to
purchase Shared Knowledge, click on the
book cover. |
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