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5
Things Happy People Do
There just may be a hidden formula for joy!
By Gabrielle LeBlanc
WebMD Feature from
Oprah.com
Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on
how to be happy, but only now are scientists
beginning to address this question with systematic,
controlled research. Although many of the new
studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you
love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a
number of fresh twists and insights.
We
canvassed the leading experts on what happy people
have in common -- and why it's worth trying to
become one of them:
They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul
sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the
moment?
That
kind of passive, pleasure-oriented -- hedonic --
contentment is definitely a component of overall
happiness. But researchers now believe that
eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled
from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or
"deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward
excellence based on one's unique talents and
potential -- Aristotle considered it to be the
noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks
believed that each child was blessed at birth with a
personal daimon embodying the highest possible
expression of his or her nature. One way they
envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that
would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of
cheap pottery (the person's base exterior). The
effort to know and realize one's most golden self --
"personal growth," in today's lingo -- is now the
central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come
to include continually taking on new challenges and
fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.
"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and
satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages
different parts of the brain," says Richard J.
Davidson, PhD, of the University of
Wisconsin-Madison.
"The
positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are
directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most
enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is
also good for the body.
Women who scored high on psychological tests for it
(they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued
self-development) weighed less, slept better, and
had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart
disease than others -- including those reporting
hedonic happiness -- according to a study led by
Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the
University of Wisconsin-Madison.
They design their lives to bring in
joy.
It
may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough
time to thinking seriously about how they spend
their life and how much of it they actually enjoy,"
says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and
professor of management at the University of
California, San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade
and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to
write down everything they'd done the day before.
Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated
how they felt at each point. When the women saw how
much time they spent on activities they didn't like,
"some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says.
"They didn't realize their happiness was something
they could design and have control over."
Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may
require questioning long-held assumptions. A
high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be
unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed
for could end up being irritating with all the
compromising that comes with having a partner.
Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've
turned sour.
Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to
tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you
transfer even an hour of your day from an activity
you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one
you like (reading, spending time with friends), you
should see a significant improvement in your overall
happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent
study, at the University of Missouri, compared
college students who made intentional changes
(joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with
others who passively experienced positive turns in
their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being
relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were
happier in the short term, but only the group who
made deliberate changes stayed that way.
They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If
only I get a better job -- find a man -- lose the
weight -- life will be perfect. Happy people don't
buy into this kind of thinking.
The
latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at
predicting what will make us happy. People also tend
to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a
single aspect of their lives -- it's called the
focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects
were asked, "How happy are you with your life in
general?" and "How many dates did you have last
month?" When the dating question was asked first,
their romantic lives weighed more heavily into how
they rated their overall happiness than when the
questions were reversed.
The
other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do
with "hedonic adaptation” -- the brain's natural
dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house
won't generate the same pleasure a year after its
purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will
ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy
people are wise to this, which is why they keep
their lives full of novelty, even if it's just
trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a
new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of
vinyasa).
They put best friends first.
It's
no surprise that social engagement is one of the
most important contributors to happiness. What's
news is that the nature of the relationship counts.
Compared with dashing around chatting with
acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer
periods of time with a close friend, according to
research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor
of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And
the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come
from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most
essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir
found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out,"
as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies
together and eating popcorn in the dark.
They allow themselves to be happy.
As
much as we all think we want it, many of us are
convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy
(or too happy). Whether the belief comes from
religion, culture, or the family you were raised in,
it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're
having fun.
"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for
personal happiness until you've taken care of
everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't
have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD,
who co-authored The Art of Happiness in a Troubled
World with the Dalai Lama.
"The
Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both
simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear
research showing that happy people tend to be more
open to helping others. They also make better
spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns
whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions
(such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to
10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns.
So,
for any die-hard pessimist who still needs
persuading, just think of how much more you can help
the world if you allow a little happiness into your
life.
©
WebMD. All rights reserved.
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"The positive emotion accompanying
thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is
one of the most enduring components of well-being." |
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