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Love Secret of
Happily Married Couples
Focus More on Your Partner Than Yourself, Study
Shows
By Miranda Hitti
WebMD Medical News
Want a better love life that goes beyond Valentine's
Day romance? Prize your partner's happiness and
well-being above your own, a new survey suggests.
Those feelings -- called altruistic love -- are at
the heart of the survey, which included more than
1,300 people, 60% of whom were married.
The findings:
-
Married people with lots of altruistic love for
their spouse had happier marriages.
-
Married or not, altruistic love for a
significant other was tied to higher levels of
general happiness.
The survey was part of the General Social Survey,
directed by Tom W. Smith, PhD, of the National
Opinion Research Center at the University of
Chicago.
Rate Your Own Altruistic Love
Curious about your own level of altruistic love?
Rate how strongly you agree or disagree with these
statements:
-
I would rather suffer myself than let the one I
love suffer.
-
I cannot be happy unless I place the one I
love's happiness before my own.
-
I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes
to let the one I love achieve his/hers.
-
I would endure all things for the sake of the
one I love.
By a long shot, the majority of survey participants
agreed or strongly agreed with those statements.
Nearly nine in 10 agreed or strongly agreed with the
first statement.
About seven in 10 agreed or strongly agreed with the
second statement.
About eight in 10 agreed or strongly agreed with the
last two statements.
Happier in Marriage
Married people "that express a high sense of
altruistic love toward their significant other turn
out to have much happier marriages," Smith tells
WebMD.
Altruism is usually defined as helping others
without getting anything back, Smith notes. "In this
case, it turns out there is a positive payback," he
says.
Married people get a "significant increase" in
marital happiness if they have "this kind of
self-sacrificing,
put-the-interest-of-the-other-before-my-own-interest
perspective on their romantic and close
relationships," says Smith.
Altruistic love can create a positive cycle in
relationships, he adds.
"I'll say I put my wife's interests ahead of mine,"
Smith explains. "Well, she appreciates that and she
does the same back to me, and it strengthens the
relationship and it leads to a happier marriage. So,
I think that's the mechanism."
More studies are needed to check that theory, Smith
says.
Not Just for Married People
Married people were more likely to rank high in
altruistic love than the unmarried. But altruistic
love was a boon for everyone -- no wedding band
required.
"Having feelings of altruistic love toward the
significant other -- a spouse, co-habitating
partner, a simple romantic interest, which hasn't
gone as far as either of those relationships -- not
only leads to greater marital happiness but general
increase in general happiness in one's life," Smith
says.
Humans are "both self-interested and
self-sacrificing," he notes. "I think sometimes we
think of us as only in competition and material
benefit and whatnot, and there's clearly more to
human psychology than that."
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