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His and Hers Stress Advice
Men and women react to stress very
differently, so when it comes time to decompress,
each gender turns to their own bag of tricks.
By Heather Hatfield
WebMD Feature
When
men get stressed, their natural response leans
toward flight or fight. Do they turn tail and run or
stick around and gut it out?
When
women get stressed, the theory is they either tend
or befriend -- that is, nurture those around them or
reach out to others.
Men
and women clearly react to stress differently. So
when it comes time to decompress, their ways of
unwinding differ as well.
"Managing stress is often different by sex," says
Carl Pickhardt, PhD, a psychologist and author of
The Everything Parent's Guide to Positive
Discipline. "Women often seek support to talk out
the emotional experience, to process what is
happening and what might be done. Men often seek a
companionship activity to get relief from stress, to
create a relaxing diversion or escape."
Whether it's a support group or a compassionate
friend, a round of golf or a run in the park,
experts give WebMD practical tips for both sexes on
how to unwind when stress strikes.
Stress Tips for Women
It
was only a few years ago that the "tend or befriend"
theory was developed by a leading psychologist in
the field, Shelly E. Taylor, PhD, a distinguished
professor in the department of psychology at the
University of California, Los Angeles. The study,
published in the July 2000 issue of Psychological
Review, reported that women were more likely to deal
with stress by taking care of their loved ones, or
by leaning on a friend or family member for support.
With
this new theory tailored just for women serving as a
guideline for how they can deal with stress, experts
offer these tips:
Develop a first aid kit for stress. "Since women are
so relationship dependent, it's important for them
to have a strong support system in place," says
Carol Goldberg, PhD, a clinical psychologist
specializing in stress management. "It's just like
having a first aid kit for when you cut your finger
--having this support system in place is a first aid
kit for stress that you can count on in an
emergency."
Make
sure that your support system is effective. "Whether
its relatives or friends, seek out people who are
good for you in a stressful situation," says
Goldberg, who hosts a weekly television program in
New York. "You need people who don't panic under
pressure, who aren't depressed, and who aren't
worst-case-scenario thinkers. Make sure the people
you have around you when you're stressed handle it
well."
Find
a friend who can keep a secret. "It's important that
the people you have around you can respect your
privacy when you're stressed," says Goldberg.
Tell
your story. "When it helps, tell your story,"
Goldberg tells WebMD. "If you are among the women
who feel better talking about stress, don't keep it
bottled up. Instead, get out with a trusted friend
who will lend a compassionate ear. And avoid
obsessing, which can depress you both."
Say
"no" when you're stressed. Women tend to put on a
superwoman cape when they're stressed, doing too
much for too many people and forgetting about
themselves in the meantime. This, clearly, is
something to avoid. "Women can selflessly help too
much at their own costs," says Pickhardt, who is a
spokesman for the American Psychological
Association. So remember to put yourself first when
you're feeling stressed.
Say
"yes" to the simple things in life. "Say 'yes' to
investing in yourself for replenishment of energy,
personal renewal, and regular relaxation," says
Pickhardt. Take a long, hot bath when you're feeling
stressed, or go for a walk, spend a day with a
friend, or read a book -- anything that is all about
you.
Stress Tips for Men
When
men are stressed, it's the tried-and-true
flight-or-fight theory that they turn to. Here are
stress-reduction tips for men that will help them
relax when they need it most:
Exercise! "Very often, men tend to get rid of the
tension and adrenaline by doing something physical,
like jogging," says Goldberg. Hitting the gym for an
hour works, too -- anything that gets your blood
flowing and your heart rate pumping.
Spend time with the guys. Golfing, softball, or any
team sport that let's a guy escape his stress is a
good way to unwind. "Men often seek a companionship
activity like golfing or getting outdoors to get
relief from stress, to create a relaxing diversion
or escape," says Pickhardt.
Spend time alone. When a guy is de-stressing, their
activity of choice can include some time flying solo
as well. "It doesn't have to be an activity that a
man shares with others, it can be solitary as well,
like hiking, photography, or fishing," says
Pickhardt.
Build a first aid kit. "While relationships are
important for women when it comes to stress, that
doesn't mean men don't need their own first aid
kit," says Goldberg. So the same tips apply for men,
too: When you're stressed, surround yourself with
people you trust and who can help you deal with your
problems.
Tips for Men and
Women
"People respond to stress differently, and they
perceive it differently," says Paul Rosch, MD, who
is president of the American Institute of Stress.
"So there is no one universal stress-reduction
strategy for everyone. While women are more apt to
take a bath and do aromatherapy, and men are more
apt to go jogging, you can't define what one or the
other should do because it's so different for each
person."
Whether you're a man or a woman, here are
stress-reduction tips that apply to everyone:
Understand what you can and can't control.
"Identify those things in your life that are
stressful and put them in one of two categories:
Is
this something I can't avoid or do anything about,
or something in which I can make a difference?" says
Rosch, who is also a clinical professor of medicine
and psychiatry at the New York Medical College. "Use
your time and talents effectively on those things
that you can control so you're not constantly
frustrated."
Man's best friend
"For
both men and women, when you talk about
companionship, that can mean your pet as well," says
Goldberg. Take your dog jogging, or spend some time
on your couch relaxing with your cat.
Listen to the music. "Music is good for both men
and women when they're stressed," says Goldberg.
"Just pick something you really like and listen to a
bunch of music." It's a simple way to unwind.
Find a new hobby. "Some people really get
involved with their hobbies," says Goldberg. "Any
kind of hobby they can just go and do is great -- it
gets their mind off their stress."
Take care of yourself. Most importantly, "Make
self-care a priority," says Pickhardt. "Someone who
won't invest in his or her own self-care is destined
to run down into stress."
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