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How To Lie To The Bathroom Scale
1. Weigh yourself with clothes on,
after dinner... as well as in the morning, without
clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see
how much weight you've lost overnight.
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including
glasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset.
Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at
least a pound.
4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind,
because they are always five pounds off...to your
advantage.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the
scale lighter.
7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER
you've weighed in, completely naked, of course.
8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for
at least half a pound of hair (hopefully).
9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto
the scale (air has to weigh something, right?).
10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then
holding onto the towel rack in front of you, slowly
edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the
rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth
it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if
you'd stepped on normally.
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