Deep Thoughts On
Life
by Jack Handy
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of
something when you walk around. That way, if anybody
says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" You can say,
"Sorry, got these sacks."
If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a
catapult operator, I bet the most common question
people would ask is, "Can't you make it shoot
farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it
shoots."
The face of a child can say it all, especially the
mouth part of the face.
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten
lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about
cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all
the time, for no good reason.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing
yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what
REALLY throws you into a panic.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no
music, no choreography and the dancers hit each
other.
I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they
choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I
bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
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