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Is being old so bad? |
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The
other day a young lady asked me how I felt about being
old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old.
Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed,
but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I
would ponder it, and let her know. Old age, I decided, is a
gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the
person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I
sometime despair over my body, but I don't agonize over it
for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life,
my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As
I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less
critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't
chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making
my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't
need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to
overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too
many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they
understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4 am, and
sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those
wonderful tunes of the 50's & 60s, and if I at the same time
wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of
life is just as well forgotten - and I eventually remember
the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your
heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child
suffers? But broken hearts are what give us strength and
understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is
pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being
imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair
turn grey, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched
into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed,
and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
I can say "no", and mean it. I can say "yes", and mean it.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less
about what other people think. I don't question myself
anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer the question, I like being old. It has set me
free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to
live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste
time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what
will be.
For the first time in my life, I don't have to have a reason
to do the things I want to do. If I want to play games on
the computer all day, lay on the couch and watch old movies
for hours or don't want to go to the beach or a movie, I
have earned that right. I have put in my time doing
everything for others, so now I can be a bit selfish without
feeling guilty.
I sometimes feel sorry for the young. They face a far
different world than I knew growing up, where we feared the
law, respected the old, the flag, our country. I never felt
the need to use filthy language in order to express myself.
And they too will grow old someday.
I am grateful to have been born when I was; into a kinder,
gentler world.
Yes, I
like being "old"! |
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