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Top Ten Signs You're
Paranoid
10. You run away upon seeing a mall
directory that says, "You are here."
9. Thirty five locks on your sock drawer just aren't
enough.
8. You hire a private eye to keep an eye out on your
house, but then fire him because he's part of the
conspiracy.
7. Before you take the garbage cans back from the
street, you check them for really short Mafia hit men.
6. You are learning six foreign languages because you
just know those people you don't understand are talking
about YOU.
5. You even wonder if the guard dog you hired is
secretly plotting against you.
4. You have a funny feeling the voices in your head are
plotting behind your back.
3. It takes you three hours each evening to program the
household alarms and video surveillance system before
you can go to bed.
2. You're checking off each number on this list as you
read.
1. The Witness Relocation Program has told you to stop
showing up unless you have an actual reason to.
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