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Performance Evaluations

These quotes are from actual federal employee performance evaluations:

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't-be.

When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

He has been working with glue too much.

If you see two people talking, and one looks bored, he is the other one.

A photographic memory but with the lens covered glued on.
 
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train is not coming.

Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
 

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